I do not choose water to drown in. I choose liquor: a simple, sweet substitute for the pain into which I was born. This pain has grown and nurtured a madness so terrible, so unqualified that the only route left to self-preservation is the route to self-destruction. The implosion of my mind, slowly and dismally collapsing, has fueled my hand, ignited it with the only thing I know how to undertake at this time: masturbation.Oh there is no escape from these doldrums of loneliness. The impeccable, the innocuous, yet deadly subtlety of going mad and at the same time being alone.I will never admit defeat, for only the seriously sane choose insanity. I will bring down the pillars of Islam so that the masses will understand the terrible manner in which they treat their young. Let us go beyond the morality of religion and see the power struggle among the different territories. The Middle East is a dictator’s monopoly board. Arab and Jew fighting for territory, and at the same time dragging. My sister Jenny and me both lived at home, although Jenny had previously spent a year living with her "twat" of an ex-boyfriend, but he'd dumped her for another woman last month and she was living back at home, something that frustrated her somewhat.Jenny was twenty-years-old, a couple of years older than me. She was a hardcore punk. She'd been a grunge-chick in her early teens, then gone to goth, then emo, and now, for the last couple of years, was a punk bitch through and through. As she stood before me, urging me to accompany her to her favourite punk bar downtown, she was dressed up in her going-out-gear; knee-high black leather boots, black fishnet stockings, a very very tight pair of red hotpants with black trim and a skin tight short-sleeved red top that had been crudely cropped under the breasts. In other words, Jenny had crudely ripped the bottom half off so that although it covered her boobs it left her flat midriff bare. She also had on a pair of fingerless leather gloves..
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